Most men's problems are called erectile dysfunction. Scientifically the name is "Wet Noodle Syndrome."
If it comes up in the night yet you can't perform, the problem is most likely psychological. A urologist specializes in these problems and there are various physical and chemical solutions. Among them are implants of rigid tubes, inflatable prostheses, Papaverine injections, Viagra and other medicine or tonics including Yohimbe and chelation therapy. Worlds of info exist on the Internet. Don't be a prude. Get medical help if the following doesn't work for you.
BASICS: The most common cause of sexual problems with younger and middle-aged men is FEAR, fear that it won't come up. In the lives of almost all men there are times when it doesn't. In a marriage or with an understanding partner it's no big deal and it usually works later. Maybe you were too tired, or upset about something. Anyway it's a blow to your ego, especially as you get older. Am I losing it? Am I over the hill? And the next time you get in bed with someone for sex you wonder what will happen and you watch and wait. Worst thing you can do. What you must do is get your mind on your partner and concentrate on arousing and satisfying her. If it has been your custom to just jab it in, you may have to make some changes.
Personal Experience with ImpotenceAt age 78 I was sure I was done for. I went to a hypnotists seminar on cancer and I met a hypnotist who agreed to work with me at lunch time. I don't know what I told him to work on, but I did tell him that I had a prostate infection with a vasectomy some 30 years prior and I thot that affected me, tho for many years I functioned pretty well. He said "Baloney!" and he commenced with the induction. I just felt very relaxed throughout the session. I don't remember what he said, but the next time I got in bed with a woman the darned thing came up and I used it! I couldn't believe it. I don't have a suitable partner now and haven't since, but I suspect under the right circumstances I would function. I do occasionally have very hard nocturnal erections. The hypnotist was John Larocque in Ashburn, Virginia, close to Dulles airport. (no longer there). I'm sure many hypnotists can do the same job. On with my original article:
So the key is to work to arouse and satisfy your partner. That keeps your mind off yourself and that's what you want to do. Women whom I've trained (girlfriends) function well are easily brought to a climax with a few words. No one has to touch them. I have done it with various girlfriends many hundreds of times. Of course some training is involved, but I won't go into that now. A trance or hypnosis is not required.
Climaxing is an emotional thing, not something you reason. The emotions reside in the so-called subconscious. Therefore, when there are emotional problems of ANY kind, you must some way reprogram the subconscious mind. There are many ways to do this, but the most effective and rapid methods require the intervention of another person, preferably not someone in the family. Psychotherapy always works better when the therapist is not someone you're real close to. However, if you prefer or are obliged to use someone close, there is no harm in trying. What I tell you may be contrary to anything you've ever heard or thought. Remember, I'm not after your money. I'm after a result. I want you to be successful.
We have to do two things. First is to disconnect you emotionally from all your past failures, especially the embarrassing ones. This is by far the most important part. Second is to teach you to make love to a woman. I know you think you're great, but if you can't take your woman thru 5 good orgasms, you don't know how her mind works. (it wanders)
A normally functioning woman can easily have several (I've done 56), but they do get tired.
Sexual satisfaction is in the mind! Therefore you have to get the mind in the right place. If there are blocks from past unpleasant experiences, these blocks must be removed. Most women have blocks, and are satisfied with a piddling orgasm.
For yourself (men) you want to learn to read your woman and then your thingamabob will take care of itself after the following therapy is done on you!
I've deleted the therapy as I think it's too complex. See a hypnotist or other psychotherapist.
We have to do two things. First is to disconnect you emotionally from all your past failures, especially the embarrassing ones. This is by far the most important part.
When you're in bed with your woman, concentrate on arousing her emotions. Forget yourself. If you're right handed, hold her in your left arm and use your right hand to arouse her. Listen to her breathing, without her knowing it. YOU MUST TALK TO HER! Softly, saying words like "It feels so good to be loved, caressed, held closely. Keep your mind right under my hand and feel the good feelings building up. Feels so good, so good, etc."
There are three reasons why you do this, and she must not object to your talking. First is that her mind tends to wander. Second it keeps YOUR mind on her and not on your penis! If her mind is on something else, she won't arouse. If your mind is on her, you'll probably arouse if you don't have a physiological problem.
Never do this when a woman is upset about anything, as that occupies her thoughts and you probably won't get through. She must be relaxed and in the mood.
The third reason is that the emotions come out of the subconscious. The subconscious will almost always act upon an outside suggestion (your talk) UNLESS the suggestion is opposed by the conscious mind. In other words, you are PROGRAMMING her subconscious to respond to your stimulation. The subconscious responds to repetitious suggestions, but vary them, using the same theme that it feels so good, is feeling better, etc. With practice she'll respond more readily and have more and more intense orgasms. Remember, a normal functioning woman can have several climaxes, and by your suggestions you can make them bigger.
If she can't come, she needs therapy or nutritional/hormonal support, and it's a lot more complex for a woman than for a man. You can try the exercise above targeting guilt (usually from teen years and the first sex experience). Don't PRY! YOU ABSOLUTELY DO NOT NEED TO KNOW THE CIRCUMSTANCES TO DO THERAPY! Practice a lot! Success breeds success. Women can have several orgasms every day. I've given you the principles. You work out what works best for you and your partner. Remember the menopause and hormones. Lacking proper hormones, women can be dry, bitchy, and uninterested. It's no fun to try to have sex with a sack of potatoes. I used supplemental lubrication even with my SUPERSTAR partners. They function without it, but for a longer session with her having many intense orgasms, it helps a lot.
I know of no scholarly way to write these things so you'll understand and benefit from my extensive personal experience as a bachelor and a lay therapist. I don't mean to be vulgar. I'm not writing from theory. I'm writing to help you to a happier sex life. I know many couples who don't have sex because the woman refuses. If it hurts her inside, she may have a yeast infection or some other medical problem only a doctor can fix. Unfortunately, many women will not try to correct their problems and then get ticked if the man finds a partner elsewhere. Such is life. Good luck.
PHYSIOLOGICAL PROBLEMS--AGE RELATED: I cannot help those kind of problems with psychological treatment, but if you're having any kind of problem I suggest you get this book: "The Smart Guide to Better Sex." Available on the web at http://www.smart-publications.com . Its contents apply to both men and women and utilize products you can find in your health food store. They also have a free newsletter I've found to be outstanding. (Issue #107)
My personal experience (I'm male, 74) is with Human Growth Hormone stimulators called secretagogues, androstenediol sublingual spray, testosterone and Deprenyl (selegeline). I now have pretty regular morning erections and function about as well as I have in the last 20 years.
I really don't know which combination is best for me, but on a recent overseas trip (Dec., 2000) I had only testosterone cream with me and I must say it did a superb job, like having good sex 3 times in 4 days. Then I got a bad cold and was out of business for a while. All I know for sure is that I function OK using a small amount of prescription testosterone cream from a compounding pharmacy and once came close to having a wet dream. I was not taking arginine or any other prosexual at that time. The key is the morning erection. If it's there, I'll function OK later. Men's testosterone levels are highest in the early morning, however we had sex before going to sleep. A lot of women don't want sex early morning.
I should mention I've been taking DHEA for years. It's a replacement for hormones your body doesn't make as much of any more. Result is you generally feel better and have more energy, but I didn't notice that it helped my sexual response. However, if you're over 40, it may be helpful for you.
If you have vascular disease you may want to try the oral chelation products. While they don't work overnight they can have tremendous health benefits by cleaning out small arteries and supplying more blood to vital organs. At www.drrath.com you will find information on lysine and vitamin C to clean out arteries including the brain and the penis. Dr. Rath worked with Dr. Linus Pauling. Both lysine and Vitamin C are cheap. They may take months to do the job, but your total health and resistance to disease will likely improve. They are anti-aging dietary supplements.
Often recommended are arginine and ornithine, two dietary amino acids. I think arginine has other health benefits, like tending to clean out your arteries. I get my amino acids from JO MAR laboratories (www.jomarlabs.com) and from Vitaline Formulas. For an excellent article on using arginine to improve sexual performance in the older man, go to Prosexual Enhancement .
A contrary view is at the website that follows. Personally, I take arginine for other health benefits. A friend in his late forties says a shot of arginine some hours before sex gives him far stronger, firmer erections. It's hard to know what to believe. Anyway, here is the contrary reference. Arginine, the disappointing erection amino acid .
AGE-RELATED ERECTILE PROBLEMS: A urologist specializes in these erection problems and there are various physical and chemical solutions. Among them are implants of rigid tubes, inflatable prostheses, Papaverine injections, Viagra and other medicine or tonics including Yohimbe and chelation therapy. Worlds of info exist on the internet. Don't be a prude. Get medical help if things I have mentioned don't work for you. Also investigate thoroughly alternative remedies like arginine, yohimbe, avena sativa, nettle root, tribulus terrestris and muira puama.
The website http://www.lef.org is a good source and Twin-Lab is a reputable distributor of health products you can find in a local store. Also check out http://www.hfn-usa.com, which seems to specialize in anti-aging and pro-sexual nutrients.
USE OF SUPPLEMENTS: At my age (74) a high percentage of men have become impotent. This is due to a falling off of hormone levels we had when we were younger and also restriction of the ability of vessels in the penis to relax. This relaxation to permit engorgement of the penis is enhanced by the use of Nitric Oxide, produced in the body. This is the function of Viagra (trade mark). I have had remarkable improvement in early morning erections using L-arginine on an empty stomach. I take it at bedtime, using digestive enzymes at supper to be sure the stomach is pretty empty when I go to bed, especially of protein. Many people take several grams of L-arginine an hour before having sex and they swear it produces firmer, longer lasting erections. Others say it has no effect. It's certainly beneficial to your health, anyway.
But remember, you may need to go thru a few weeks of cleaning out your arteries before this can occur. For nutritional artery cleanout methods go to www.drrath.com
UPDATE Feb., 2010 How time flies. I am now 83 and impotent for several years, but still can help others. Following is a letter I received from a 51 year old friend I did an "in person" therapy for. I used a squeeze of the shoulders instead of the buzzer. I had cured him of a phobia many years ago.
I just wanted to send you a quick hello and a thank you. I had a great weekend with my girlfriend without the least issue related to performance anxiety. Though the issue hadn't been an every time thing, we had a pretty amazing Saturday night without a hitch. As a matter of fact, not to be boastful but to emphasize my point, our intimacy was spread over a couple hour period with several breaks, with my girlfriend achieving more orgasms than she'd thought she was capable of... by more than a few.
Though a couple of times I did feel myself losing it a bit....which is somewhat normal - sometimes there are things we do that "work", sometimes things we try don't. The important thing was that my head never went to a place of fear or panic (as I would tend to when I would feel the least bit of softening). I just took a small break, and got back into it when I felt like it. All in all, the best love making session I've ever experienced.
Hope everything is going great with you. Next time, I get to buy you dinner. Take care, and thanks again,
(name withheld) End of this insert.
Don't think of these amino acids as a medicine but as a nutritional improvement. They are in your body and made from food anyway. You're just increasing the amount. And if you have high cholesterol, l-arginine reportedly works better than the statin drugs to lower LDL. If you are older and fairly well educated, I highly recommend you get the book "The Arginine Solution" by Fried. It is new 1999.
Another thing you might want to do to help clean out your arteries is take 200 mg vitamin B-6 (Vitamin B-6 Therapy, John Ellis, M.D.) in the morning or spread thruout the day to lower homocysteine levels. Both taking L-arginine and B-6 is something you do the rest of your life (B-6) or until your problem goes away. There are no known side-effects for normal, healthy men at many times 6 grams a day of L-arginine, (you get quite a bit in your diet) and 200 mg/day of B-6. However, if you have any medical problem or question about your health status, you should consult your doctor before using L-arginine, especially if you might have prostate cancer, diabetes, herpes, or autoimmune diseases.
Watch out about taking B vitamins after supper as they may cause you to be un-sleepy at bedtime.
Here is a link on the use of arginine and pycnoginol with a very high success rate BUT, only after taking the stuff for 3 months. I think it's worth a try. Over-the-counter stuff and not too expensive.
I have other sex links on my website which might be a bit repetitious in places but worth a try. If age is the problem, forget the psychological stuff. I'm 82 now, and I need the chemical help.
NOTE: The author of this page is not a state or medically-licensed professional.
techniques for men
Automated Therapy by Telephone (It really works!)
Psychological Research Foundation, Inc.
Return to the Home Page
Copyright Sept., 2008