This is an experimental exercise. I consider one of the most valuable exercises on this website is disconnecting from a person. Often that is an abusive husband or at least a relationship you want to put behind you. Yet, because of children or business, you must encounter that person repeatedly. You may think you're over the emotional upset of the separation, but I doubt it. Those hurts get lodged in the subconscious and create problems for a lot of women. My suggestion is, if the relationship is really over and you want him just to be another person, not a former lover, that you do the exercise on the streaming audio below. If there might be reconciliation, don't do the exercise.
I have done this exercise in person with many women and it never fails to help. When they think of the former husband, he is just blah...there is no emotion there at all.
What the exercise does is tell your mind to disconnect you from all the past emotional upsets you experienced with your former husband (have a particular one in mind) so you can get on with your life. You don't forgive, you just disconnect. It's getting rid of old baggage that serves no useful purpose.
A lot of women remarry, after experiencing a fling or loneliness. Often the marriage is stronger when you find out that the singles world is really not as attractive as you thought it would be, or the husband stops drinking, or screaming, or whatever. That's up to you. The exercise disconnects all the emotional upsets of the relationship. It does nothing to the good times and its purpose is not reconciliation. Its purpose is to put you back in control of yourself, to do what you wish, and not be digging up hurt feelings or anger when he comes to pick up the kids. I regret that in the sound compression process there are echoes and some extra clicks. American slang "Carrying the torch" means you are hopeful of getting him back as your husband.
NOTE: The author of this page is not a state or medically-licensed professional.
Psychological Research Foundation, Inc.