It is not yet well organized and will be improved as I get time. Nevertheless, it has useful information for some people who have an erection problem or ejaculate too soon. Older men may have a hormonal (testosterone) problem or inadequate blood supply, nutritional problem, all of which are discussed.
Many people have some kind of sexual problem, recognized or not. The causes of these psychological sex problems are usually different for men than they are for women.
EJACULATE (COME) TOO QUICKLY: I will address this first for the younger and some older men. They have no problem getting an erection, but they ejaculate too quickly, perhaps even before they go inside.
Young men (myself included when I was young) think there is something wrong with them because they come (ejaculate) before their partner does. This is perfectly normal behavior, even though it may not be desirable. It does NOT mean there is something wrong with you.
Have you ever watched animals have sex? I mean dogs, cattle, monkeys in the zoo? Do they spend time in foreplay, take a long time to ejaculate? Certainly not. They are quick. I've not made a survey but I would guess almost all young men are quick to ejaculate. Let me tell you this, for sure. Women in their sixties have told me how quick their partners also in their sixties come. Not everybody, but some older men are very quick to come. Actually, the problem is often that the woman is too slow, due to the way we raise women in our society. That's why you must read my page on "Lovemaking Techniques for Men."
Sex is primarily in the head. If your partner excites you, nature is ready to do its job, and quickly.
POSSIBLE REMEDIES FOR PREMATURE EJACULATION:
Your lady may want to come 2 or 3 times that way, and it's your job as a man to help her to satisfaction. When she is satisfied, she is not so concerned whether she comes again when you're inside her. If you're on your back and she sits on you, you'll be slower and she has control to find the good spots and the right speed..
Attempting to come together, especially when you're young, is a goal you should forget about. Just work toward getting both participants satisfied. Yes, many times partners can come together, especially if the woman is capable of several sequential orgasms. But I don't know that it's that important. Never has been to me, though I've done it a lot because with some partners I can tell them to come and they will. These are hypnotically trained women, beyond the abilities of most of you. I'd forget about trying to come together.
So how long should it take for a woman to come the first time after you go in her and start moving? About 30 seconds for my good partners of the past. I have no idea what the average is, but I do know a good woman will come that quickly or even quicker.. And they continue to have orgasms at about the same interval as long as the man stays hard and keeps thrusting. Of course I'm telling them to FEEL IT or telling them they're going to come while I'm thrusting in. Most women will take considerably longer and may not come a second time. Don't blame yourself.
2. Have sex more frequently, more than once a day. When you're young you can do that. As you age you may find that if you try to do it too often you either can't get an erection, you lose the erection, or you can't ejaculate. Everything goes downhill with age except women may have a greater interest in sex after the menopause when they can't get pregnant. My two 76 year olds are always horny. BUT, the paragraphs above are most essential.
3. Perhaps by masturbation, ejaculate a few hours before you have sex, or maybe have your partner perform oral sex on you so you come the first time before you go inside her. The point is, you won't come as quickly the second time.
4. You must remember that about 30% of women in the USA cannot have an orgasm with the man inside them, no matter how slow he is. I don't know the reason for this, though I've fixed a few of them so it has to be psychological in most cases. For a discussion of this problem, go to Can't come with man inside.
In other cultures, women cannot talk about sex at all, even with mothers or sisters. They have absolutely no information about sex other than that it is dirty or bad. Think about your own background. Did your father or mother instruct you in sex techniques, how to satisfy a woman? Mine sure didn't, and I didn't instruct my boys, nor my daughter. Thus, young adults go into one of the most important experiences in life with little or no information. No wonder so many fail to enjoy sex to its fullest.
Common programming from mothers here in the USA some years ago was that sex is something a woman has to do for her husband, and she's not supposed to enjoy it. That teaching still
exists. You find it especially in deeply religious cultures or families. They think sex is
only to create children, and otherwise it's dirty. Of course daddy may have a girlfriend on
the side, and I don't blame him. Crazy culture. I think the European and Asian cultures are not so bad
about this. Try adding the amino acid histidine (500 mg)on an empty stomach (well before each meal)to her diet.
5. In his book "The Amino Revolution" by nutritionist Robert Erdmann, he states that high
histamine levels in young men is the problem where there is premature ejaculation. He suggests
taking the amino acid methionine (empty stomach before meals 1/2 hour or so and on first
arising). In addition take calcium and magnesium. While no definite amounts are given, just try.
I would start with 250 mg. histidine capsules. All are available on the internet.
www.jomarlabs.com is one source of aminos.
6. There are tremendous variations in men with regard to how often they have sex and how long they can stay up or even get it up. As a man who ejaculates too quickly, concentrate on satisfying your partner. Of the possible remedies for premature ejaculation, I much prefer #1 above. While there are desensitizing creams for premature ejaculation, I have no experience with them. Psychological treatment, in my opinion, is a waste of money. If you come too quickly you're just like millions of other men. Concentrate your efforts on getting your partner to come sooner. That's usually where the real problem is. As for me, I really enjoy being able to give my partner several intense orgasms.
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION (the "Wet Noodle" syndrome) While most men's problems are psychological in nature if you're under 60, older men may have physiological problems. Most men's problems are called erectile dysfunction (can't get it up or it won't stay up). There is another category where the erection is there but climaxing is slow or difficult. Selegeline is a possible solution (prescription). I have not encountered this as a psychological problem.
PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS You have had an embarrassing or humiliating experience involving your penis. You may be helped by one of the exercises regarding this problem that I have on my website. Basically, if you can remember a failure that was embarrassing, you have to be disconnected emotionally from that experience.
I have treated only a few men and all but one was successful. The unsuccessful one had married a former girlfriend of mine who was a really good performer. Her new husband could masturbate on his side of the bed OK, but when he tried to make love, it wilted. At that time he was about 45, and healthy. In trying to do analytic therapy he admitted that as a school janitor he had "sort of forced" a young girl to do something sexual, I don't remember what. At any rate, my ex girlfriend said the therapy didn't work.
BASICS: The most common cause of sexual problems with men who do not have vascular disease is FEAR, fear that it won't come up. In the lives of almost all men there are times when it doesn't. In a marriage or with an understanding partner it's no big deal and it usually works later.
Maybe you were too tired, or upset about something. Anyway it's a blow to your ego, especially as you get older. Am I losing it? Am I over the hill? And the next time you get in bed with someone for sex you wonder what will happen and you watch and wait. Worst thing you can do. What you must do is get your mind on your partner and concentrate on arousing and satisfying her. If it has been your custom to just jab it in, you may have to make some changes.
So the key is for the man to work to arouse and satisfy his partner. That keeps your mind off yourself and that's what you want to do. Women who function really well are easily brought to a climax with a few words and light touches. I have done it with various girlfriends many hundreds of times. Of course some training is involved, but I won't go into that now. A trance or hypnosis is not required. See my page on sex techniques for men.
Climaxing and erections, with normal physiology, are emotional things, not something you reason. The emotions reside in the so-called subconscious. Therefore, when there are emotional problems of ANY kind affecting sexual performance, you must some way reprogram the subconscious mind, yours and/or your partner's. There are many ways to do this, but the most effective and rapid methods require the intervention of another person, preferably not someone in the family. Psychotherapy always works better when the therapist is not someone you're real close to. However, if you prefer or are obliged to use someone close, there is no harm in trying. What I tell you may be contrary to anything you've ever heard or thought. Remember, I'm not after your money. I'm after a result. I want you to be successful.
We have to do two things. First is to disconnect you emotionally from all your past failures, especially the embarrassing ones. This is by far the most important part. You would be wise to go to a hypnotist experienced in this area. Just expect to feel very relaxed, nothing more, as he/she talks to you. You will not pass out.
Second is to teach you to make love to a woman. I know you think you're great, but if you can't take your woman thru 5 good orgasms, you don't know how her mind works. A normally functioning younger woman can easily have 10 in a single loving session (I've done 56 with a 45 year old), but they do get tired. 75 year olds I do now have at least 4 and more good climaxes if my fingers are skillfully used.
Sexual satisfaction is in the mind! Therefore you have to get the mind in the right place. If there are blocks from past unpleasant experiences, these blocks must be removed. Most women have blocks, and are satisfied with a piddling orgasm.Good orgasms involve gasping and squealing.(vocalizing in some way). For yourself (men) you want to learn to read your woman and then your penis may take care of itself after the following therapy is done on you!
Get your friend to read and do the following while you are imagining and feeling the unpleasant feelings as described above with your eyes closed (that proves the subconscious is on-line).
THERAPY: Friend says in a positive, authoritative manner: "When I clap my hands
and say DISCONNECT, it will permanently disconnect you from the causes of those
unpleasant feelings you're feeling now.
(CLAP) DISCONNECT!, (CLAP) DISCONNECT!, (CLAP) DISCONNECT! " [end of therapy]
TEST: Now try to get the unpleasant feelings back. My guess is you won't be able to. In your imagination, put yourself back in bed with the new or old partner and see how you feel. Go to any past unpleasant sexual experience, and if you find unpleasant feelings, have your friend do the exercise and then check to see if the feelings are gone. If they're gone, MOST of your problem is gone, if not all. It is the nature of the mind that it takes orders involving emotions from someone else much better than it does from you yourself. My personal belief is that most people trying self-hypnosis are kidding themselves, unwittingly of course.
When you're in bed with your woman, concentrate on arousing her emotions. Forget yourself. If you're right handed, hold her in your left arm and use your right hand to arouse her. Listen to her breathing, without her knowing it. YOU MUST TALK TO HER! Softly, saying words like "It feels so good to be loved, caressed, held closely. Keep your mind right under my hand and feel the good feelings building up. Feels so good, so good, etc."
There are three reasons why you do this, and she must not object to your talking. First is that her mind tends to wander. Second it keeps YOUR mind on her and not on your penis! If her mind is on something else, she won't arouse.Third: If your mind is on her, you'll probably arouse if you don't have a physiological problem. Her arousal will get you excited. Pay attention to her breathing. As it gets spasmodic, she is getting aroused. If she gets aroused and then loses it, guilt is taking over in her mind.
Never do this when a woman is upset about anything, as that occupies her thoughts and you probably won't get through. She must be relaxed and in the mood.
The third reason is that the emotions come out of the subconscious. The subconscious will almost always act upon an outside suggestion (your talk) UNLESS the suggestion is opposed by the conscious mind. In other words, you are PROGRAMMING her subconscious to respond to your stimulation. The subconscious responds to repetitious suggestions, but vary them, using the same theme that it feels so good, is feeling better, etc. With practice she'll respond more readily and have more and more intense orgasms. Remember, with a normal functioning woman there's no practical limit to the number of climaxes. Most are happy with 2 to 4, and by your suggestions you can make them bigger.
If she can't come, she needs therapy or nutritional/hormonal support, and it's a lot more complex for a woman than for a man.
You can try the exercise above targeting guilt (usually from teen years and the first sex experience). Don't PRY! YOU ABSOLUTELY DO NOT NEED TO KNOW THE CIRCUMSTANCES TO DO THERAPY! Practice a lot! Success breeds success. Women can have several orgasms every day. I've given you the principles. You work out what works best for you and your partner. Remember the menopause and hormones. Lacking proper hormones, women can be dry, bitchy, and uninterested. It's no fun to try to have sex with a sack of potatoes. I use supplemental lubrication even with my SUPERSTAR partners. They function without it, but for a longer session with her having many intense orgasms, it helps a lot.
I know of no scholarly way to write these things so you'll understand and benefit from my extensive personal experience as a bachelor and a lay therapist. I don't mean to be vulgar. I'm not writing from theory. I'm writing to help you to a happier sex life. I know many couples who don't have sex because the woman refuses. If it hurts her inside, she may have a yeast infection or some other medical problem only a doctor can fix. Unfortunately, many women will not try to correct their problems and then get ticked if the man finds a partner elsewhere. Such is life. Good luck.
PHYSIOLOGICAL PROBLEMS--AGE RELATED ( over 80): An ex superstar girlfriend of mine is now 79, and I'm sure she would be a fireball with me. All I can use is my hands and my voice. I cannot help age/health problems with psychological treatment. My personal experience (I'm male, 74(now 85)) is with Human Growth Hormone stimulators called secretagogues, androstenediol sublingual spray, testosterone and Deprenyl (selegeline). I did have pretty regular morning erections and function about as well as I had in the last 20 years when this was first written..
I really don't know which combination is best for me, but on a recent overseas trip (Dec., 2000) I had only testosterone cream with me and I must say it did a superb job, like having good sex 3 times in 4 days. Then I got a bad cold and was out of business for a while. All I know for sure is that I function OK using a small amount of prescription testosterone cream from a compounding pharmacy and once came close to having a wet dream. I was not taking arginine or any other prosexual at that time. The key is the morning erection. If it's there, I'll likely function OK later. Men's testosterone levels are highest in the early morning, however we had sex before going to sleep. A lot of women don't want sex early morning.
I should mention I've been taking DHEA for years. Everyone over 30 should take 25 mg at night before bed. It's a replacement for hormones your body doesn't make as much of any more. Result is you generally feel better and have more energy, but I didn't notice that it helped my sexual response. However, if you're over 40, it may be helpful for you.
If you have vascular disease you may want to try the oral chelation product EDTA. While it doesn't work overnight it can have tremendous health benefits by cleaning out small arteries and supplying more blood to vital organs. At www.drrath.com you will find information on lysine and vitamin C to clean out arteries including the brain and the penis. Dr. Rath worked with Dr. Linus Pauling. Both lysine and Vitamin C are cheap. They may take months to do the job, but your total health and resistance to disease will likely improve. They are anti-aging dietary supplements.
Often recommended are arginine and ornithine, two dietary amino acids. I think arginine has other health benefits, like tending to clean out your arteries. I get my amino acids from JO MAR laboratories (www.jomarlabs.com) and others . For an excellent article on using arginine to improve sexual performance in the older man, go to Prosexual Enhancement
A contrary view is at the website that follows. Personally, I take arginine for other health benefits. A friend in his late forties says a shot of arginine some hours before sex gives him far stronger, firmer erections. It's hard to know what to believe. Anyway, here is the contrary reference. Arginine, the disappointing erection amino acid
AGE-RELATED ERECTILE PROBLEMS: A urologist specializes in these erection problems and there are various physical and chemical solutions. Among them are implants of rigid tubes, inflatable prostheses, Papaverine injections, Viagra and other medicine or tonics including Yohimbe and chelation therapy. Worlds of info exist on the internet. Don't be a prude. Get medical help if things I have mentioned don't work for you. Also investigate thoroughly alternative remedies like arginine, yohimbe, avena sativa, nettle root, tribulus terrestris and muira puama. Website www.lef.org is a good source and Twin-Lab and Swansons are reputable distributors of health products you can find in a local store. Also check out www.hfn-usa.com, which seems to specialize in anti-aging and pro-sexual nutrients.
USE OF SUPPLEMENTS:At my age ( now 85) a high percentage of men have become impotent. This is due to a falling off of hormone levels we had when we were younger and also restriction of the ability of vessels in the penis to relax. This relaxation to permit engorgement of the penis is enhanced by the use of Nitric Oxide, produced in the body. This is the function of Viagra (trade mark). I have had remarkable improvement in early morning erections using L-arginine on an empty stomach when I was in my seventies. I took it at bedtime, using digestive enzymes at supper to be sure the stomach is pretty empty when I went to bed, especially of protein. Many people take several grams of L-arginine an hour before having sex and they swear it produces firmer, longer lasting erections. Others say it has no effect. It's certainly beneficial to your health, anyway. But remember, you may need to go thru a few weeks of cleaning out your arteries before this can occur. For nutritional artery cleanout methods go to www.drrath.com or Dr. Cutler, a mail-order medical doctor.
I took about 3 grams of L-arginine once a day when I remembered, but that wasn't too often. You are not only producing NO (nitric oxide) but cleaning up your blood vessels as well. I used Dr. Rath's program too.
Don't think of these amino acids as a medicine but as a nutritional improvement. They are in your body and made from food anyway. You're just increasing the amount. And if you have high cholesterol, l-arginine reportedly works better than the statin drugs to lower LDL. If you are older and fairly well educated, I highly recommend you get the book "The Arginine Solution" by Fried. It is new in 1999. Another thing you might want to do to help clean out your arteries is take 200 mg vitamin B-6 (Vitamin B-6 Therapy, John Ellis, M.D.) in the morning or spread thruout the day to lower homocysteine levels.
Both taking L-arginine and B-6 is something you do the rest of your life or until your problem goes away. There are no known side-effects for normal, healthy men at many times 6 grams a day of L-arginine, (you get quite a bit in your diet) and 200 mg/day of B-6. However, if you have any medical problem or question about your health status, you should consult your doctor before using L-arginine, especially if you might have prostate or other cancer, diabetes, herpes, or autoimmune diseases. Watch out about taking B vitamins after supper as they may cause you to be un-sleepy at bedtime. Morning is best.
I have other sex links which might be a bit repetitious in places but worth a try.
Lovemaking techniques for men to use on their women,
Automated Therapy by Telephone (It really works!)
Note: The author of this page is not a state or medically-licensed professional.
Note: Parts ofr this page are at least ten years old. Some references may not be valid.
Psychological Research Foundation, Inc.
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Copyright December, 2011